Soo..it's 7:30 am and I'm sitting in my hotel room. It's a rather gloomy day in Japan today. It still feels really surreal that summer has started, and IB has ended. I was really excited to hear the beeper sound to end the last exam. I guess it does feel a little weird to be done. I have to admit that it being a part of my life for 2 years, it suddenly feels very abnormal to be without it. I think a lot of it has to do with the many, many memories that have found their way into my life these past 2 years. At first, IB seemed like a risk, but looking back, it was a chance. It was a chance for me to figure out what I really wanted in academics, that let me almost lose sight of God and find Him again. But actually, He was always there. I got a lot closer to some people as we strived towards common goals. I learned so much the world, but most importantly, I learned so much about myself. Everyone improved from where they were at the beginning. And that's what it's about, going a little farther because you can. Sometimes I do get frustrated when it's hard. I had to learn how to handle that too. I know I wasn't the best person to be around in April. I'm sorry for being grumpy. I wasn't mad, it was just the stress. Thanks for putting up with me. You knew I'd come around, right?
I know that everyone makes their own decisions and not everyone has to be hardcore in academics. I'm not saying that everyone should be that way, but sometimes when I see you slacking off, I just get frustrated. I know that you're smart and you can do it. I can see it, so why can't you? I'm frustrated because I care.
This year has gone by so fast. I just can't believe it. I can't believe that in less than 3 months, our lives will be pretty different from now. I'm excited for all of us. It's hard to imagine we were once those clueless kids that just wanted to play tag. It's hard to imagine that we've talked about graduating together for so long, and we're finally going to.
There's so much I want to say to every one of you. I want to tell you guys how much you mean to me. And I will. I'm not one to have regrets.

these are the days

these are the days that I'm going to remember
these are the pictures I'm going to look back on
this is the place where we all met
these are the days that will be missed

crazy dinner

Today, at dinner, I laughed so hard I almost cried. I finally realized why I can be quiet and good, but then be crazy and wild. It's genetic. My parents were telling me what they were like as kids, and they were total opposites of each other. My mom was that good little girl that never talked back and followed all the rules. My dad...on the other hand, was the kind of boy that drilled holes in desks so he could drink pop without being noticed in class. Oh right, he also got "sick" a lot during exams and was a major soccer fanatic.
Haha what a contrast, eh?
My parents are complete opposites, but I like it that way.

Wow, another year already?!

I'm turning 18 in like...12 days. Wow, I know I've said this way too many times, and it's getting somewhat redundant, but time really does fly. One year ago, at this time, I was getting ready to go on outreach. One year ago, I wasn't really thinking about graduating or university. A year ago, a lot of things were different. Summer changed a couple of things for me. Thank you, to those that have been here for me. I know I'm opinionated and sometimes, unfortunately judgmental, but thank you for sticking around. As I am almost ready to close this chapter of my life, I'm also so excited about new beginnings, although life never stops and it's merely a continuation, this change is going to be good. I can't imagine what next year is going to look like, but I imagine it to be just as amazing all these other years.
I think one of the most important things I learned these past two years is to keep going. I don't take failures so seriously anymore, because these little failures don't define me, and I certainly shouldn't let them dictate my life. I learned that life is truly bigger than that. When life is smooth, it's great and I love it, but when it's not, I know that I'm not alone. God, thank you for never leaving me and teaching me that there is more to life than what the world has to offer me. Sometimes, I do complain about school, but I know when I look back on it, man am I going to miss it. I will never forget the memories and friendships that have been blessed to me.
PC, open your heart to God. I know that you're so busy with skating and all these exciting things that your future holds, but He is the only thing that won't change. Going to be continually praying because I know that He can work in miraculous ways, and I believe that He will work wonders in your life if you let Him.
I thought it was so cool that at church, they got us to write "what God has done in our lives" and "what we want Him to do" on a piece of paper and literally, laying it at the cross. I guess that's what it is, coming to the foot of the cross. I know there's so much I have to work on, but I'm glad I have my eyes on the right goal. There really is more to life than this:)



I guess I should get back to work.

perfect-hedley

Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize
It is worse to finish then to start all over and never let it lie
And as long as I can feel you holding on
I won’t fall even if you said I was wrong

I’m not perfect but I keep trying
‘Cause that’s what I said I would do from the start
I am not alive if I’m lonely
So please don’t leave
Was it something I said or was it just my personality

so if you had one chance

"we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
so if your life flashed before you
what would you wish you would've done."

I know what I "want" to do.
So what's holding me back?
I'm just so scared I'll lose what's left of you.

No words

I guess I'll so do some normal blogging while keeping up my "letters to PC."
So everything seems to be going fine. Well, almost everything is fine, except for this one issue. I can't just leave it because I don't want history to repeat itself, and besides, I don't want to go there again. If I could only find the words...
So I hope it somehow fixes itself up soon.
wow ambiguous much? Ya.. that's how I want it to be.

I love The Script
The Hardest Thing

"I know that it seems
Like it's easy for me
I wish you could feel
What's going on inside of me"