you are the music in me

I sing those songs in the shower.
I play it on repeat on my playlist.
I remember those times so clearly.

But these songs will be outdated. These memories will fade.
I'm open to new genres until I find a timeless song amongst all the others.
I know I will.
Until then, I'll hit "repeat"

About Me

I'm not that girl.
I'm the kind of girl that laughs to herself thinking of what we had. I'm the kind of girl that will confront you. I'm the kind of girl that would rather hear the truth, even though it hurts. I'm the kind of girl that asks why again and again til you give me a reason.
I worry myself to death over too much. Sometimes the expectations I set for myself are unimaginable, and it kills to think I could've done better.
I love warm summer days and blasting my music. I love romantic and impressionistic music. Chopin is the epitome of love. He is passion and fire and emotion. I love opening the windows and playing my heart out to the world.
When I'm sad I play piano. Music is my escape and it's the best thing to do alone. Music explains everything I feel when I know words could never.
I don't really like being told what to do, but I'm not the rebellious type. I do better on my own when no one reminds me because I know that it's up to me to do what's right, so I do.
I'm not the kind of girl that is going to stay around because she misses home too much. I want to go out and experience things. I want to go out and follow my own dreams. I'd rather make my own mistakes than for someone to tell me where to go all the time.
Little things mean the world to me.
I second guess myself sometimes.
I have a slight crush on Patrick Chan, the dreamiest figure skater in the world.
I can't go a day without breakfast. It gives me energy.
I like drawing hearts in my agenda, in highlighter colours:)
I love watching Say Yes to the Dress
I think dancers are sexy.
And what girl doesn't like a guy that's musically inclined? ;)
The best thing you could do for me is genuinely be there.
I don't really have secrets. I wish I could keep my life private sometimes, but that goes against natural instinct.
I love playing music at senior homes.
Old couples make me smile because they know what a promise means and have lived it out.
I believe in marriage.
I know God loves me.
I don't hate IB at all.
I'll listen to a song on repeat and never get sick of it.

I'm not the girl that'll wait around forever.
I'm scared of failing.
I'm usually shy when I first meet people.
I overthink things.

This is the kind of girl I am.

if it kills me

I don't know who to trust anymore. I guess maybe I didn't really know to begin with, or maybe a little part of me is scared to trust. Senior year. A friend once told me that this is the year you figure out who your real friends are. Sometimes it's so hard to let go of something even though you've fought for it, time after time. Is it giving up if keeping it up is such a struggle?
What happens when someone you've known for so long suddenly changes? I mean, we all change, but maybe we don't agree anymore. Maybe it's just too hard to keep this going, and I'm tired of trying so hard to make it work.

Why do you say one thing and do another? Then you give me that disapproving look when you don't like what I'm doing. I'm tired of this and it's breaking us up. Sometimes, I wish things would go back to normal, if that ever existed.

I don't know that this is going to work, but I know it's possible, and I hope it does. All these years weren't for nothing.
Tell me it's ok to believe.

i miss you team cuba

almost 8 months after being in cuba. wow... time flies. less than 8 months from now i'll be out of high school. scary but exciting.
i miss cuba and all the things we did there. i miss being with the kids and i even miss explaining that dumb fish craft every single day. i miss rooming with kath, em, mel. those were really fun times even though our room was the grossest, messiest thing ever. i love how we all crowded into a room just so we could listen to the music on the radio. i loved taking walks and doing devotions along the sea wall. i love the pranks we pulled on the guys and our girl talks at nite. i loved doing the sticky chair skit even though it was scary at times. climbing that abandoned house/building was so fun, and our beach days were unforgettable. katamaran on my bday was incredible. i miss everyone and i'm so glad this was part of my life. something i'll never ever forget.

thinking back always makes me smile.

it's not about me

Thank you for encouraging me. It may seem like nothing to you, but it really hits home. Thanks for reminding me what it's really about.
What I need to realize:

"Do your best and let God do the rest"

"Let go. Let God."

God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave.

I complain about every day and wish it would go faster, but I know at the end of this road, I will look back missing these days. No matter what they say, I still think this place is amazing. I don't care if you think it's cliquey and preppy. And outsiders that think we're all snobs. I don't really care. I love it here and it's been an amazing 8 years I've spent with the most amazing people that have taught me so much. I don't know where I'd be if God hadn't put me here, and His timing was perfect. It's a blessing to be around people that love God and spur each other on. It's encouraging that we can spiritually grow around each other, yet be vulnerable enough to share our struggles along the way.

Here's to living it out, completely and utterly... for God.

17 & naive

I just realized all that meant nothing to you.
Nothing I do will ever fix it.
What makes me so sad is the fact that I actually believed you for a second.
Never again.

(8) cuz today, your words felt like a knife...these streets are filled with memories, both perfect and in pain(8)

What's weird is I still feel happy thinking about the good times.

it's another year. more goals, more problems, more stress. alright, bring it on.

Where did summer go? I miss everything about this summer. Everything. I wish I could rewind and go back and do it all over again. I want to rerun YSP over and over again. I want to just go out for a morning walk and sit at starbucks, dreaming. I wannna watch the brightness of day fade to darkness at night. Summer, come back.
Sometimes I ask myself if I would do anything differently this summer, but I don't think anything I did could've changed what the outcome was. It's the start of another school year, and the pressure's on.
I don't really know what's worth it anymore. People ask me how I can act like nothing happened. What do you want me to do? Life goes on, and the world doesn't stop for you.
Right now, I just want to make sure that everything I do, I won't regret. I wanna know that I lived every day like it was my last. I hope the people I love know that I love them, even though I don't show it often enough.

So, to the people that mean the world to me, "I love you"
To the people that I hurt, "I'm sorry"
To the people that hurt me, "I forgive you"
To the friends I lost, "I'll always remember you"
To my teachers and mentors, "Thank you"
& to God, "Thank you for unconditionally loving me every second of every day."

To Patrick, "I'm cheering you on, not just for olympics, but for whatever you choose in life"

Love,
Tiffany