You know the best way to get emotional on a thursday night?
Taylor Swift, "Crazy, Stupid Love" and korean drama music. Gets me every time.

#itwillrain

Currently obsessed with this song
and forever in love with Bruno's voice.

"There'll be no sunlight
if I lose you baby.
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you baby"

If you walk away, every day it'll rainn.

thisistherealdeal

I don't want to sound depressing or anything because I'm not depressed, I've just been wondering about all the things that wouldn't have been said if I died today. I swear I'm perfectly fine too, but i mean, seriously, don't you ever wonder if there are too many things unsaid, too many things that you're afraid to say, afraid to show?
I've honestly thought about writing notes to friends and family and hiding it if anything ever happened to me. The scariest thing for me is not death, but leaving people in the air, the ellipsis of life, not having said what I wanted to say.
I want to tell people how much they've inspired me in the most unexpected ways and in the smallest things, that I'm sorry for screwing up and messing up, that you have no idea how much I love you. Why is it that the most important things are always the hardest things to say? Why is it that you can tell every insignificant person that you love them, but can't to the ones you love most? Life is ironic like that. People are ironic like that. If I actually wrote a letter to every person that I had things to say to, the letters would probably be endless. It's not just the people that have been there all along, it's the people that I've just met too. It's hard for me to forget people that have mysteriously come into my life, for whatever reason and for however long, maybe because I refuse to believe that anything happens by chance. That's too random, too accidental.
I wish I could tell you that you're smart and that you'll go far. I wish I could be real, but I'm scared to be.
I guess the older we grow, the more we have to lose, or so it seems.
I wish I could tell you that I'm happy for you, but I don't miss you. I'm glad that we're both fine.
I wish I could tell them how much I love them, that I can't imagine life without them and that I appreciate everything they do for me.
I wish I could tell him that he's changed, and I wish we could just go back sometimes, to that night, that bus ride, that summer.
I just want to thank anyone that has ever given me a genuine smile and anyone that has loved me for a single second. Thank you for loving me. Really.

Freed myself when I realize that I didn't need this.

And I know life is fast-paced and the world is spinning us 'round
But i'm in no rush
i'm just taking life one step at a time, one coffee at a time
living moment by moment.

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not care too much. Not care about the things that make you incomplete, not care about the things people say, about the way people think of you, about keeping up appearances, about having the perfect life, about doing everything right or being scared of making mistakes. I mean, how much of our futures can we really plan and how many things do we overlook right now because we're always waiting for something better?
So, here's to not holding back
to accepting others just the way they are
and accepting life just the way it is.

Safe in the hand of one disposing Pow'r,
Or in the natal, or the mortal hour.
All Nature is but Art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see
All discord, harmony not understood,
All partial evil, universal good:
And, spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, whatever is, is right.

-Alexander Pope

Nothing beats seeing old friends, catching up, girls' night out, and reading magazines on friend's bed on a thursday night.

Sometimes, there are rude people and things you might not understand, but at the end of the day, stay true to yourself. Everyone else is taken.

wake-up call

Sometimes things are overwhelming and there seems to be a billion things on your mind. You worry about what will happen and you make plans hoping that it won't fall apart, but I guess we've only got one chance at life, and there's no time for worrying and regrets. I guess when it comes, it'll come. I think my biggest fear is failing. Failing and not meeting expectations, of disappointing people and myself. There are so many things that I want to do. I just want to experience so much, but there are only 24 hours in a day and I'm only one person.
I want to think that I have it all figured out, how my life's going to be and how I'm going to get there. I kept telling myself that I didn't need anything. I think the biggest thing I've lost right now isn't my academics, my family or my friends. I have that. The biggest thing I've probably neglected is probably my faith. And isn't it ironic that a non-Christian told me to reconnect with God? Even he thought it was weird that it came from him. I just feel like I've lost direction when I thought I had everything right within my grasp.
I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

#lifeofastudent

Coffee really is the elixir of life. I literally can't open my eyes if I haven't had a coffee now.
Having a nicely brewed cup of coffee just instantly brightens my day.

now

and i said
"it's time to move on and put the past behind us."

2weeks

I guess I can write a longer post today since it IS friday after all.
Two weeks.
Two weeks in and I don't really know what to make of this year. It's already been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, or at least half of one. It's funny how little things can really change our minutes, days, or possibly our whole lives. I mean, it's incredible how you can meet someone new, not realizing that they'll turn out to be your best friend, or that you'll remember them for many years to come, even if it was just one conversation that started it all. Sometimes, we just have to revel in the moments that lie within crevices of the big moments because we'll realize that those are the ones that made everything worthwhile.
And of course there are the tough moments when you don't quite know what you're doing with your life, when you're questioning if you're doing it "right." The exciting, dumb, frustrating thing about life is that there never seems to be a black and white, definite answer to anything. We'll never know if we made the right decision. We'll never know if he was the best thing you never had, or if it was really meant to be.
I don't want to leave anything on the table this year. I don't want to say that I didn't "go for it," that I sat back and let things pass me by. I used to think that I always said what I meant, but I don't. There are a lot of things I'm afraid to say. Just because I sport the rugged boots and own a biker jacket doesn't exactly make me a tough girl.
But one thing I know about this year is that I will never stop being grateful. Grateful for friends and family and for being so blessed.
And like I always say, it's the little things. I don't need some big miracle to happen to me every day for me to be happy. It can be a cup of coffee, a good conversation, skyping with an old friend, listening to club beats on a school night, bbming my best friends, playing some Duke Ellington on my keyboard.
We don't always get what we want in life, but that's okay because once you've internalized that fact, you'll learn to appreciate all that life has to offer and learn not to take anything for granted.

Dang. listening to Taylor Swift makes me an emotional wreck. Time to get back to my political essays.

And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking

I'm sitting in the Arts Academic Advising office for the second time trying to figure out what exactly I'm doing. Hopefully, I can drop a course due to IB credit, but it's so confusing now I don't even know what I'm doing. I can't believe it's only the second week of school because I'm already exhausted. Actually keeping up with readings is not an easy feat. I don't remember being half this stressed last year. What exactly DID I do with all my time last year? I have no idea.

I didn't see this one coming.
I don't know if this is what you call fate.
I never knew of this fate you were talking about
till now.

enchanted to meet you too

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

I couldn't have asked for a better week. I hope this week is an indication of better things to come this year.
So far, it's looking pretty great.

Another year has finally begun, and I must admit, it feels good to be back on campus. To be honest, I used to just want the high GPA, learning new things didn't really intrigue me anymore, but somehow, taking that one summer course changed everything. Maybe it was just the right course that really got me interested, or that the prof was actually engaging. Looking back, I didn't learn as much as I could have if I had put more effort into trying. Sure, I "got" the marks, but I always tried to take the easy way out, and I guess sometimes we do have to do that, to be pragmatic because we're all managing full course loads while trying to maintain somewhat of a social life, but sometimes we just give ourselves excuses. Excuses not to go to class (guilty as charged), excuses not to pay attention in lecture, to not do readings, to stay out late and miss your morning classes: any or all of the above. I assure you that most, if not all of those are going to be repeated this year, but I mean, I'll try to lessen the frequency of offending the above.
Well, going to my first class now!
Here's to a great year of (actually) learning, partying, and lots of gts.

Much love.

And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

The moment you realize that the people that want to talk will always stop to talk.

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

For someone that said you'd be different, you've kinda messed up.
I don't get it.