summer blogging

What an amazing summer. It seems like these past months of my life have flown by. New experiences, new opportunities, new people. The snapshots of summer flip through my mind like a photographic film. The laughs, exchange of glances, high fives... I'd like to think I remember them in their entirety. I live for these little moments. I realized that when you're with people you love, you don't even have to be doing anything spectacular. Although I must say, I'm pretty blessed to have some pretty spectacular people in my life, not gonna lie.
I still have a month of summer left. I'm going to have the time of my life. Trust me. I will.

I can't help but think that there's something wrong with me.

let's have some fun this beat is sick

You're gambling up this relationship and I don't have time to play with you. So have fun. You're on your own. Newsflash: I have some bigger dreams to chase

change

Some things have changed, it's true. But no one can take away our memories and what we had. Those were genuine moments we have to treasure. I know that no matter how you change, or how much I do, we can always look back on those "gts" and be grateful about them.
You were right. I guess our paths do diverge significantly from here. I'm slowly beginning to realize it. I'm no longer afraid of change.

hello

You know when you haven't seen someone in the longest time, and then you randomly bump into them on the street or something? And their eyes, smile just bring you back to that year. It's like how listening to a particular song will bring you back to that moment and you'll always know how you felt at the time. I guess a person can do that to you.

symphony-marie digby

Here I go again in my dreamy eyes
I should be content but something's just not satisfied, oh
It's nothing that you did, I'm still on your side
I can't love you if I'm not sure who I am inside

'Cause there are some questions that need some answers
What is it I'm really after?
The clock's ticking so I can't wait around

This is my now, this is my today
No more sitting on the side waiting for my chance to play
Time to step out, so much to say
But I'll never get the chance if I don't break away
And write my own symphony, write my own symphony
I gotta write my own symphony, write my own symphony
Just let me write my own symphony

I've always got my head way up in the clouds
Something in me wants to fly away and leave the ground, oh
If you could hear my thoughts when no one's around
Then you'd understand my fear of being held down

'Cause I wanna explore the world around me
Dance under the stars above me
And be free to make my own mistakes

This is my now, this is my today
No more sitting on the side waiting for my chance to play
Time to step out, so much to say
But I'll never get the chance if I don't break away
And write my own symphony, write my own symphony
I gotta write my own symphony, write my own symphony
Just let me write my own symphony

'Cause every minute you're here with me
(You're here with me)
It gets harder to turn and walk away, oh
But I gotta chase my destiny

(My destiny)
No matter how hard or long it takes

This is my now, this is my today
No more sitting on the side waiting for my chance to play
Time to step out, so much to say
But I'll never get the chance if I don't break away
And write my own symphony, gotta write my own symphony
Write my own symphony, but I can't if you're here with me
I gotta write my own symphony, let me go and write my own symphony
Write my own symphony, need to go where you can't follow me
Just let me write my own symphony

A Digby Summer

I can't believe how relatable Marie Digby's Breathing Underwater series is. Some things "shoulda been simple," but just aren't.

I am in love with all of her songs, especially Shoulda Been Simple and Daybreak

Shoulda Been Simple

Had every word prepared
Wasn't even scared
Rehearsed the scene a million times and still felt no where
You were just down the hall
Not knowing at all
What was about to happen when I laid it on the line

'Cause it's written on my face
Though you see it in my eyes
How do you tell someone you love
What's gonna hurt
Don't wanna hurt

So when I'm too long
And telling you what's wrong
I tried and couldn't bring myself
(It shoulda been simple)
So many times I've tried
The time was never right
It was so complicated
(It shoulda been simple)

Oh-oh oh-oh
(It shoulda been simple)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh
(It shoulda been simple)
X2

There's no time for fear
visions kinda happen
No matter how this ends today, I wanna leave here as friends
It's not that I don't love you (Don't love you)
Don't think that I don't care (Don't care)
We were trying to fly a plane, the wings were just not there

And it's written on my face
Though you see it in my eyes
How do you tell someone you love
What's gonna hurt
What's gonna hurt

So when I'm too long
And telling you, "Be strong."
I tryed and couldn't bring myself
(It shoulda been simple)
So many times I've tried
The time was never right
It was so complicated
(It shoulda been simple)

Oh-oh oh-oh
(It shoulda been simple)
Oh-oh oh-oh-oh-oh
(It shoulda been simple)
X2

Remember the day that we said that we wouldn't change
We changed
'Cause nothing's the same anymore since that day
That day


Daybreak

If these walls could talk
They'd whisper, Just hold on
Dont this sunshine in this place
If we lose the night, it might not same
Not the same, oh

You look in my eyes and tell me things wont change
Then I feel safe letting you go

I don't wanna move
Don't let go of this moment
I don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna miss a thing
I don't wanna know if this is tonight
Only stop time, stop daylight
Cause when day breaks
it might all be over

When day, when day, when day breaks
It might all be over
When day, when day, when day breaks

Trace my skin
Hold out your hands
And let me in
The truth is coming through this blinds
I'm afraid the truth might be unkind
So unkind, oh

imagine

I don't get why some people are so obsessed with looking like anime characters. They buy the wigs and outfits and go the whole nine yards. The truth is, you can never BE those characters, nor look like them. People are generally fascinated with these anime because it's something rather mystical. I'm not an expert at anime, but I guess from my point of view, what is attractive about anime is its unrealistic quality. Like reading a novel, perhaps it is the novelties of these invented lands and fantasy characters that capture the hearts of so many people. When you try to make these fantasies become reality, in a sense, you adulterate it. These characters were never meant to be real in the first place. If you were looking for something real, you'd watch a reality show, not invest your time in anime. The closest I've been to anime is probably Sailor Moon. I remember when I was young, I was actually pretty obsessed with that show. In that 30 minutes of one episode, I knew that some bad villain would disrupt the peaceful town, the sailor scouts would come to the rescue and defeat him, and the episode would end with a happy ending. I liked watching Sailor Moon whip out her tiara and defeat those villains with the sailor scouts. Even though it happened every episode, I never got sick of it. And then there was Tuxedo Mask. I remember when all the girls wanted someone like him. Looking back, I can't say I would disagree. We probably spend half our lives invested into these fantasies. Movies, books, etc. Sometimes when I'm watching a movie, someone will make a comment like: "How can that even happen? It doesn't even make sense!" And to be honest, a lot of the times, it doesn't make sense. I respond with:"It's a movie. It's not real." I guess that's why we watch movies. We watch them because the good guy single handedly beats up the bad guys. We watch because the protagonist and antagonist always fall in love. Because the whole forbidden love thing appeals to us. Because in movies, jumping from roof to roof is clearly acceptable. We watch because these things rarely happen in real life. We watch because we are always searching for something novel to believe in when real life isn't as exciting as 007's.
When a book is made into a movie, a lot of the times you'll hear that the book was better. The amazing ability of reading is that you can interpret it however you want. The ambiguity of words and the various interpreted meanings that trail behind the seemingly innocent writing is what makes reading magical. When a book is suddenly made into a movie, the freedom of imagination is restricted. Although this is the case, I do admit that movies gives us an opportunity to enjoy the story without doing so much thinking of our own. And sometimes, we do think a little too much.

I wait for you, but I know I shouldn't.
Take a step back.

i miss u

I like that you keep me accountable. I like that we can talk about controversial issues, about God, about everything. I love singing to the same song over and over again in your car. I love laughing crazily about nothing. I love that we're opposites but somehow, the same kinda crazy. I love that God gave me a chance to try it again.

there's a time and season for everything

I think it's time to bring in the new. I think this new alacrity I have for change is good, although I am, at times, ambivalent about it. Two weeks ago, I would have told you I didn't want to graduate. I didn't want grad to be over because I was scared of losing my friends. But more than that, I was scared of losing that familiarity. The PA halls, seeing the same people year after year. I didn't have to make an effort to fit in a certain group because I had already found mine a long time ago.
But right now, I think I need a new beginning. It's funny how you can know someone for the longest time and not realize that maybe, you weren't meant for them. It's an abstruse concept to comprehend. In these two weeks, I've stepped back a little from all the high school drama and really thought about it. Some questions that have come up are: "Who do I want to be?" and "Who are my real friends?"
There's a time for people to come and pass in life. People that have made a mark on your life and people you just have to pass up. I love you, yet I know that it's time to move forward with my life. My optometrist explained to me that my eye sight will worsen if I read or look at things at a close distance. It'd make my muscles in my eye strain to focus and would thus, worsen my vision. I needed to read from a distance. That's what I feel like I need to do right now. I fear that if we get too close, one day we might fall apart. That's why I'm going to step back a little. Give me some time.

because

I need a getaway...because I need to refocus my life.

I need a new beginning...because I don't want to linger in the past.

I need to look forward...because I can't look back.

Because I've abnegated too much. Because this idea of normality is only an abstract one. because I used to think I had the acumen to think rationally, to CHOOSE rationally and not allow my heart to lead me astray. Because I have let this perennial problem lead to incorrigible resolutions. And then you allow yourself to think that things can be the same, though everything has changed, and nothing isn't an aberration of what it was. You try to hide it, to abate the frustration that has come out of this seemingly insurmountable situation, but in the end, your adroit plans reverse its power on you, and the joke is on you.