no looking back

Yesterday I was naive

Yesterday I still believed



Today I don't want to think about it

Today I wish it didn't matter



Tomorrow I hope I forget

Tomorrow I hope I move on



But today I still remember

Today I still miss

And today, I still don't regret

I like surprises

Christmas day. two days before, probably the most embarassing day that I can remember. Christmas day, the day that made my year.
I wish I could just be myself.

the real you comes out in dreams

someone once told me that "the real you comes out in dreams."
i hate to admit that.

thanksgiving

Thanksgiving.
Thank you for being there to pull me through.

love

"love...is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs."
-1 Corinthians 13:5

I know I fall short. I know how hard it is to love someone when it doesn't seem like it's worth it, but He calls us to.
It's hard for me to just forget what you did. I told you that I'd be here for you no matter what, and I broke that promise. I wish I could be more understanding, but it's not the easiest thing in the world.

"theology changes behaviour"

Now I actually believe it. I see those people that love You so much and I know how much more I want to be around those people. They have so much love in them because they have You.
I've watched myself change too. The more I read my Bible and did daily devotions, the more I knew that things would be okay. I realized that it's not all about me. Life's bigger than that. I didn't even think it would make a difference, but I found myself looking at things in a completely new way. The things I thought were so important before suddenly don't seem to matter as much anymore.
I'm definitely far from perfect. I mean, no one's perfect, but sometimes, you just have to let go and let God.

this is what friends are for

This is what friends are for.

I think it's harder for someone to celebrate in your happiness and genuinely be excited for your success than for them to mourn with you. Anyone can be sorry for you, but it takes real friends to be happy that you're doing great.

To those that I can share both sad and happy moments. I love you, and you have no idea what it means to me. I don't believe that anything happens by chance. Every single person that was put into my life was for a reason. Even those that have hurt me, I learned something from you. I learned to be wiser in the next relationship, but I'm not going to stop trusting and believing and loving because of you. Sorry, you don't have that power over me. I'm stronger than that.

the truth is...

Why does it matter so much to me? Why does every little thing make me this way? I feel so sick. I can't believe I'm doing this to myself when it shouldn't even matter. I wish I could genuinely say that I didn't care. I mean, I wish I didn't care because life would be so much easier that way.
The truth is... I don't have control over this. I want you to make the decision you want to make. No regrets.

G

sister. best friend.
You've been there for me through thick and thin. I really have to thank you for keeping this friendship strong and believing in me. Thank you for encouraging me and loving me and giving me so much love.
I know that things have changed a lot, but this friendship hasn't.
Thanks for going out to get me mascara. You're my lifesaver:) Not only that, but you're always there for me: skype, phone, txt, in person. I know I can always talk to you.
We've both been through some rough patches. It's comforting to know I can always trust you.

C

We've been through so much together and this will probably be our last memory. All those late night phone calls, arguments, talks. Thanks for that. Thanks for just being there and listening to me rant and agreeing with me that he's a retard. Thanks for being someone I can go to for advice and thanks for making me laugh. For being there, the good times and bad, thank you.

It's been.. 7 yrs? Time flies eh? When I can't listen to that song because it makes me sad. It makes me sad to think that this is all going to be over soon, and I'm not naive enough to believe it's going to be the same.

Cuba, abandoned house, that random letter, walking barefeet along shards of broken glass, climbing to the roof, exploring. I remember it so clearly.
I remember what I said to you, and I'm sorry because I had no right to judge.

Here's to senior year, to our friendship and our futures.
2009

you are the music in me

I sing those songs in the shower.
I play it on repeat on my playlist.
I remember those times so clearly.

But these songs will be outdated. These memories will fade.
I'm open to new genres until I find a timeless song amongst all the others.
I know I will.
Until then, I'll hit "repeat"

About Me

I'm not that girl.
I'm the kind of girl that laughs to herself thinking of what we had. I'm the kind of girl that will confront you. I'm the kind of girl that would rather hear the truth, even though it hurts. I'm the kind of girl that asks why again and again til you give me a reason.
I worry myself to death over too much. Sometimes the expectations I set for myself are unimaginable, and it kills to think I could've done better.
I love warm summer days and blasting my music. I love romantic and impressionistic music. Chopin is the epitome of love. He is passion and fire and emotion. I love opening the windows and playing my heart out to the world.
When I'm sad I play piano. Music is my escape and it's the best thing to do alone. Music explains everything I feel when I know words could never.
I don't really like being told what to do, but I'm not the rebellious type. I do better on my own when no one reminds me because I know that it's up to me to do what's right, so I do.
I'm not the kind of girl that is going to stay around because she misses home too much. I want to go out and experience things. I want to go out and follow my own dreams. I'd rather make my own mistakes than for someone to tell me where to go all the time.
Little things mean the world to me.
I second guess myself sometimes.
I have a slight crush on Patrick Chan, the dreamiest figure skater in the world.
I can't go a day without breakfast. It gives me energy.
I like drawing hearts in my agenda, in highlighter colours:)
I love watching Say Yes to the Dress
I think dancers are sexy.
And what girl doesn't like a guy that's musically inclined? ;)
The best thing you could do for me is genuinely be there.
I don't really have secrets. I wish I could keep my life private sometimes, but that goes against natural instinct.
I love playing music at senior homes.
Old couples make me smile because they know what a promise means and have lived it out.
I believe in marriage.
I know God loves me.
I don't hate IB at all.
I'll listen to a song on repeat and never get sick of it.

I'm not the girl that'll wait around forever.
I'm scared of failing.
I'm usually shy when I first meet people.
I overthink things.

This is the kind of girl I am.

if it kills me

I don't know who to trust anymore. I guess maybe I didn't really know to begin with, or maybe a little part of me is scared to trust. Senior year. A friend once told me that this is the year you figure out who your real friends are. Sometimes it's so hard to let go of something even though you've fought for it, time after time. Is it giving up if keeping it up is such a struggle?
What happens when someone you've known for so long suddenly changes? I mean, we all change, but maybe we don't agree anymore. Maybe it's just too hard to keep this going, and I'm tired of trying so hard to make it work.

Why do you say one thing and do another? Then you give me that disapproving look when you don't like what I'm doing. I'm tired of this and it's breaking us up. Sometimes, I wish things would go back to normal, if that ever existed.

I don't know that this is going to work, but I know it's possible, and I hope it does. All these years weren't for nothing.
Tell me it's ok to believe.

i miss you team cuba

almost 8 months after being in cuba. wow... time flies. less than 8 months from now i'll be out of high school. scary but exciting.
i miss cuba and all the things we did there. i miss being with the kids and i even miss explaining that dumb fish craft every single day. i miss rooming with kath, em, mel. those were really fun times even though our room was the grossest, messiest thing ever. i love how we all crowded into a room just so we could listen to the music on the radio. i loved taking walks and doing devotions along the sea wall. i love the pranks we pulled on the guys and our girl talks at nite. i loved doing the sticky chair skit even though it was scary at times. climbing that abandoned house/building was so fun, and our beach days were unforgettable. katamaran on my bday was incredible. i miss everyone and i'm so glad this was part of my life. something i'll never ever forget.

thinking back always makes me smile.

it's not about me

Thank you for encouraging me. It may seem like nothing to you, but it really hits home. Thanks for reminding me what it's really about.
What I need to realize:

"Do your best and let God do the rest"

"Let go. Let God."

God is bigger than the air I breathe, the world we'll leave.

I complain about every day and wish it would go faster, but I know at the end of this road, I will look back missing these days. No matter what they say, I still think this place is amazing. I don't care if you think it's cliquey and preppy. And outsiders that think we're all snobs. I don't really care. I love it here and it's been an amazing 8 years I've spent with the most amazing people that have taught me so much. I don't know where I'd be if God hadn't put me here, and His timing was perfect. It's a blessing to be around people that love God and spur each other on. It's encouraging that we can spiritually grow around each other, yet be vulnerable enough to share our struggles along the way.

Here's to living it out, completely and utterly... for God.

17 & naive

I just realized all that meant nothing to you.
Nothing I do will ever fix it.
What makes me so sad is the fact that I actually believed you for a second.
Never again.

(8) cuz today, your words felt like a knife...these streets are filled with memories, both perfect and in pain(8)

What's weird is I still feel happy thinking about the good times.

it's another year. more goals, more problems, more stress. alright, bring it on.

Where did summer go? I miss everything about this summer. Everything. I wish I could rewind and go back and do it all over again. I want to rerun YSP over and over again. I want to just go out for a morning walk and sit at starbucks, dreaming. I wannna watch the brightness of day fade to darkness at night. Summer, come back.
Sometimes I ask myself if I would do anything differently this summer, but I don't think anything I did could've changed what the outcome was. It's the start of another school year, and the pressure's on.
I don't really know what's worth it anymore. People ask me how I can act like nothing happened. What do you want me to do? Life goes on, and the world doesn't stop for you.
Right now, I just want to make sure that everything I do, I won't regret. I wanna know that I lived every day like it was my last. I hope the people I love know that I love them, even though I don't show it often enough.

So, to the people that mean the world to me, "I love you"
To the people that I hurt, "I'm sorry"
To the people that hurt me, "I forgive you"
To the friends I lost, "I'll always remember you"
To my teachers and mentors, "Thank you"
& to God, "Thank you for unconditionally loving me every second of every day."

To Patrick, "I'm cheering you on, not just for olympics, but for whatever you choose in life"

Love,
Tiffany

summer days are slippin' away

Wow, I really can't believe that summer is almost over. This has, by far, been the fastest feeling summer ever. It's been... an incredible ride. Sometimes, I ask myself what I really did this summer. It all kind of just seems like a blur, but I just remember laughing... a lot. I really did enjoy this summer, and everything was worth it. I'm really thankful that I have friends to talk about the future with, to share secrets with. I really do agree with the quote, " It's not how many breaths you take, but how many moments that take your breath away." It's true. I think it's important to let the little things make you happy, to live and dream big, to not be afraid of believing when everyone else is in doubt. I try to not let the little things bother me. I mean, I can pretty much guarantee that even one year down the road, I won't care at all. The thing is, maybe right now, I still do. One thing I realized is that life moves on, and to not let one thing blind me from so many amazing things out there for me to experience, because in the long run, it wont' be worth it.



One thing I really wanted to do was to be able to say I really lived it this summer. I'm happy to say I did and that I don't have any regrets.



YSP-thank you again for everything. I miss you guys so much, but gut feeling tells me we'll meet again:)



goofy-love you so much. you've been there for me at every moment and every second. thank you for that. thanks for always listening and webcamming me at random times; those are really special:)



kj: i love talking to you so much! love talking about the future and everything that awaits. and i also love txting you on the skytrain;)



one more week to go. i'm gonna make it a good one.



*OH AND I GOT MY PATRICK CHAN WATER BOTTLE!:D

Patrick, hope you're having just as great of a summer as I am. Olympics is really not that far away! I know you can do it. Praying for you always.

Love,

Tiffany

ysp forever-the most incredible two weeks ever

I don't even know where to begin. I can't really explain the past two weeks. It seems like every day, I've been able to learn a little more about this world, to experience and grow a little more. YSP has definitely been the highlight of my summer. I feel so blessed that I have these high expectations for everything, but they always still seem to exceed my expectations and catch me by surprise. I learned to do things on my own, to be more open to new things, and to figure out what really matters to me.

It's been such a rollercoaster ride: so many ups and downs and triple loops that spin your head right round, but at the end of the ride, you just want to get back on and do it all over again, because you know that even through all that, it's worth it.

I learned that you have to know where you stand, what you believe in, and why you believe it.
It doesn't even matter what other people think; it's what matters to you. Have faith and fight for what you believe in, because it's worth it. It really is.

It seemed like whenever I was down about one thing, something better always came along. I guess that's a bigger life lesson I learned. When one door closes, go through the back:)

I learned a lot from my friends too. Everyone had their own talents, and it was really great that we could all appreciate and share that.

This trip allowed me to see the world in a broader light, it's made me miss like I've never missed people before. How can 2 weeks really do ALL this? I actually have no idea. Every day amazes me, and this trip is clearly no exception<3

I love you ysp family

it's a new day

This summer. Sometimes, it's just living it day by day, taking it step by step, and enjoying every minute of it. It's so great just to be able to wake up early to a sunny day and take a breath outside. It's like nothing else matters but that moment.
Summer is the start of new beginnings and adventures. It's about following your dreams, and being open to new possibilities. Summer is really about following your heart, and I think I'm finally starting to believe it again.

tomorrow-avril lavigne

And I wanna believe you,When you tell me that it'll be ok,yeah I try to believe you,But I don'tWhen you say that it's gonna be,It always turns out to be a different way,I try to believe you,Not today, today, today, today,(backround singer)today...[Chorus:]I don't know how I'll feel,tomorrow, tomorrowI don't know what to say,tomorrow, tomorrow,yeah, it's a different day,tomorrow,It's always been up to you,It's turning around,It's up to me,I'm gonna do what I have to do,just don'tGive me a little time,Leave me alone a little while,Maybe it's not too late,not today, today, today, today, today...[Chorus:]I don't know how I'll feel,tomorrow, tomorrowI don't know what to say,tomorrow, tomorrow,tomorrow its a different dayHey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, and I know I'm not ready,Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrowHey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, I'm not ready,Hey yeah yeah, hey yeah yeah, maybe tomorrowAnd I wanna believe you,When you tell me that it'll be ok,Yeah I try to believe you,Not today, today, today, today, today...Tomorrow... it may change

2 memorable weeks

So it's been 2 weeks of summer already, and so much has already happened: hanging out with my friends, dinner with my cuba besties, seeing an old friend, confusing moments, girl talks, and so much more. When I expected this summer to be filled with unforgettable memories, 2 weeks has brought about a lot of things that I will definitely have in my mind for a while. I thought summer would be a time that would be so easy, and to a certain extent, it has been. I never thought summer would be a time where I'd have to stop and think. These 2 weeks have really gotten me thinking, and I'm not gonna lie, there are some mixed feelings goin' on. At the same time I'm trying to let go, I'm trying to hold on, and sometimes, it feels like we're all falling apart.
So, what IS summer about? Being true to yourself, loving whole-heartedly? I wish I could say I was doing those things, but I'm not sure I am.
Maybe I want you to forget me, so you can be happy again and do whatever you want.
Someone once said, "if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it was meant to be." I'm trying to let go because I'm saving you to have to say things twice, and because you make me question myself and people I thought I trusted.
People change, and sometimes it can be a good thing. I see things in people I've never seen before, and those surprises have been good.
There have been a lot of good things this summer too. It feels good to just walk around downtown, eating out, going for walks, taking things slow, and laughing out loud.

this is not my war

I can't fight this war with you anymore. I'm too tired and I'm losing my mind. I don't wanna be the reason we're all falling apart.

"you're not the exception. you're the rule."- quote from "he's just not that into you"

I didn't expect it, but deep down, I wish you had proven me wrong.
I wished for an exception.
Then you learn there's something called "moving on."

feelin' blue on a summer day

I thought this was what I wanted, but why does it feel so wrong? Why does it have to play out like this? Summer days, make me forget. Here I was thinking and living in a fairytale, but when reality hits, it hits you hard, and there's no room for denial.
Forget it.

summer bloggin', summer fallin', summer lovin'.& thank God it's summer

It's almost been a week since summer started, and boy am I glad it's summer. It's not even just that there's no school. I mean, that's a huge part of it, but it's just, the whole summer atmosphere is mesmerizing. I feel like summer is a time where there are no boundaries, and you can really live it out. So, a friend asked me what my take on love was, what the definition of love was. That's possibly the most complicated question, because love, how can you explain that in words? She was asking in terms of relationships, so I gave it a shot.
I think love is being committed to someone. I don't think it's about the lovey dovey stuff, I mean, when all that goes away, love is when you're still there for that person, to support them. Love is a promise, and it's more than how excited you get when you see them. When you truly love someone, I think it's a promise that you're giving your heart away, and you're not going to take it back.
I definitely don't think it's easy to find, but how can you deny it? Amidst the casual dating and relationships, it warms my heart to see couples that have grown old together. Even after so many years, he still looks at her like she's the most beautiful thing. That's love. When all they need is each other, and they're content with life, that's love.

Love among friends?
A good friend is there for you through thick and thin, and they hear all the things you don't say. They're the kind of people that build you up, and when you're down, keep you up. It's easy to be a friend that always says nice things, but it's those friends that will give you their honest opinion beacuse they love you and want the best for you, those are the friends to treasure for life. Friendship is a journey. Of course there are going to be bumps along the way, but if you can just plow through that, it really does make you stronger. Real friends will hold your hand through the toughest times, and won't run away.

Family

Family. They love you unconditionally, and no matter what you do, they're the ones you can always turn to and know they're going to be there for you. Even though it seems like the closer you are to people, the more you take them for granted, it's important to know that no matter where you in your life, and no matter what you're going through, you can always go back to the them.

So, it's summer and I'm bloggin'. It's summer and I'm lovin'.
It's summer-take it easy, take it slow, and enjoy it.

xoxo_to this summer, and the rest of our lives (L)

SUMMER

I'm soooo glad it's summer. I guess at times it seemed impossible to come out alive, but I guess maybe you underestimate yourself sometimes. This year has been full of stressful moments, freakout/hyperventilation situations, mad studying times, screaming (lots of it), urges to rip textbooks, and a lot of figuring out. Despite all this, I must say this year has also been full of building relationships, making new friends, loving whole-heartedly, learning lessons, and just being me. I learned so much about my friends and myself this year that I didn't even know before. I could seriously write a book about everything that's happened this year: good and bad. I knew this year would be full of memories, guess I was right.
But no matter what happened this year, I'm not gonna forget it, I'm not even gonna try, because it's a part of me. I'll just store it away in a memory bank in my heart, along with all the memories from as long as I can remember.
Now it's summer and I hope it's crazy and insane, because I wanna come out of it and be able to say: ya that summer, I really lived it to the fullest.

welcome

hey patrick,

So I heard you're in vancouver, that's pretty exciting. I hope you have a really amazing time here and get to enjoy the city, despite the rainy weather. Maybe one day I'll still get to meet you, but for now, I'm happy just to cheer from the sidelines.
2010 Olympics? I believe in you.
Have fun

Tiffany

it's not perfect

why?
why now, why ever.
what happened?
what am I doing?
why don't you tell me the truth?
why are you holding back?
why is this so confusing?
why is this so hard?

just tell me why

back. missing & moving on.

So it's been about 3 weeks since I've been back from Cuba, and I don't think the impact of the trip has faded away yet. I really hope it doesn't. Our friendships within the team has only grown stronger and I still miss Cuba so much. It's been kind of hard coming back, even though I know that Vancouver will always be home to me. It's like for those two weeks, we could just leave everything and focus on serving God and now that we're back, there's just so much to do. I don't think it should be different, that our focus should still be on God, that outreach is supposed to be a lifestyle, not just a 2 week trip. It's easier said than done though. I still make time for God, but it's not like what it was in Cuba, where every single day and every event was focused on Him.
The trip taught me that nothing else really matters but God, my family, my friends, love.
Patrick, I wish you could have experienced what I experienced on the trip, because it was definitely life-changing.

home

Dear Patrick,

I'm finally home and am already missing Cuba. I miss our hostel, the culture, the music, the streets, the beach, and of course the people. I miss our translator, Yoanka, the most. She's been with us since the first day, and we've really grown to love her.
This trip has been really amazing. I don't even know where to start. Ministering to the kids and youth has really been the highlight of this trip, and just being able to share the love of God with them. I was really encouraged by how passionate the Cubans were for God, and it's been a really great experience. One day, I'd really like to go back, to relive the memories, and to visit the people again in the future. I don't think it's possible for me to have had a better team. I love every single person, and they really made the trip what it was.
My birthday in Cuba was so awesome. We had an off day, and went to the beach. First of all, the beach was gorgeous and the weather was amazing. We also went on the katamaran, that was cool. It was also just relaxing to be able to lie on the beach, tan, and do nothing.
There are so many stories and memories that I'll never forget.

Patrick, I hope you had an amazing spring break too.

Love,
Tiffany

cuba in 27 hrs!

I'm way psyched about Cuba right now! I can't believe we're actually going, it's incredible. All my friends are going to different countries, all around the world, and there are 12 teams this year.
pray for teams:

cuba
guatemala
india
israel
namibia
slovakia
south africa
tanzania
thailand
trinidad
uganda
ukraine

it's going to be an amazing experience! I'm gonna miss all my friends<3

"We must go
Live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken
We must go

Stepping forward
Keep us from just singing
Move us into action
We must go"

my 17th

PC POSTER. thanks guys.

patrick and me=) aww i love you guys. you know you're lucky when you have friends that know too much about you.

Thanks to my friends for a great birthday!

pc poster, and build-a-bears of patrick chan and me...you guys know too well, but i love you for it.

i love you.

my vandalized agenda=) daydreaming

my agenda. Just goes to show what a crazed fan I am. Doodling about pc, as well as lectures from teachers really are a good match=P

almost 17... and going forward

Something amazing is happening, and I can't wait to tell my friends, because I know they'll share in my joy too.
You know when you have those big wild dreams, the ones you believe in, but just have a little doubt about? It's amazing when it actually happens, and I love that feeling when I'm caught off guard by something special.
So, I'm turning 17 in a couple of days, and I'm so excited to go through the different stages of life. I hope it goes fast enough for me to experience and discover new things quickly, but slow enough that I can enjoy and cherish the memories for a while.

Patrick, sometimes, you may speed through life because it's so exciting and new, but if you slow down, you'll notice that there are things you have missed. I learned that it's not too late to go back and treasure the things you've taken for granted.

excited for what's ahead

The reason why I created this blog is because I want to encourage people. It can get tough sometimes, but just have faith, and you'll get through storms.
I'm going on outreach in 6 days to Cuba, with 13 other awesome members of my team. I can't wait, because I know God will do wonders. We're going to be staying in Havana for 2 weeks, and we'll be doing kids' ministry, as well as visiting churches and just hanging out with youth there. This is a once in a life-time experience. Our team motto: work hard, play hard. I'm down with that=)
I'm super excited, and I'll definitely be praying for Patrick too when he's in LA for nationals!
Good luck pc. You can do it. I know you can.

Hyperventilating much?

Dear Patrick,

Wow today was definitely hectic, and stressful. As if doing the french final oral wasn't bad enough, I had to start hyperventilating, literally. Actually, I didn't even know I really had symptons of hyperventilating until my french teacher told me. That's when you know it's bad.
Amidst all this though, I realized that I have family that supports me, and friends to encourage me. Even though it seems like I was too absorbed with practicing french to notice everyone else around me, I did, and I'm really thankful that they were there to support me. I really feel like my whole IB class, we're here for each other.
I learned a lesson today too. God was asking me, through my hyperventilating moments, if I trusted Him. I thought yes, but there was always a "but" something in there. I think I finally figured it out when I went in the room that, I'm well prepared, my friends are praying for me, and God is on my side. I just had to trust, and REALLY trust, that He would get me through. I know people were praying for me when I was doing it, because I felt it. I felt it when I started, that all of a sudden, I was confident and I had the strength to do it.
Patrick, trust and put your strength in God. In times where you feel your knees grow weak and you can't do it anymore, trust Him, because He is a constant, and He'll always get you through.

Blessings,
Tiffany

I believe

Dear Patrick,

You know when things get tough, and you just wish all your problems could disappear? This week has been pretty stressful, and weekends are just as busy, if not more. Sometimes I really think it's humanly impossible to do everything perfectly, to give everything 100%, but no matter what anyone tells me, I always try to do my best, in everything. I think I stress myself out because I expect so much out of myself, because I want to be the best I can be, and because I like stretching the boundaries. That's not the easiest thing to do, for sure. I hate the feeling of "I could have done better," or I'm disappointed with myself because I didn't give it 100%. Even when people tell me it's okay, it's not. I guess one good thing about this is I don't give up easily. I'm the kind of person that doesn't settle to maintaining a constant, even if it already seems good to other people. As long as I'm improving, I'm doing better than the last time, and that's really what I strive for.
Patrick, I'm guessing you're the kind of person that strives for the best too, and that's what I admire about you. It's because of your determination and respect for your talent, and your humble nature that's so cool about you.
You make me want to be the best I can be too.
When you fall, just get right back up, because the ones that matter don't only love you when you're successful. The ones that truly love you are the ones that see you fall and still believe.
So don't ever stop fulfilling your dreams, and shoot for the impossible. You just don't know, maybe the humanly possible is really possible.

Love forever&always,
Tiffany

happy valentine's day

dear patrick,

happy valentine's day=)
I hope you're not training too hard to be able to enjoy this day, because no matter what, it's a day of love. On this day, you realize that there's so much love around, and you realize that you can get over your problems. I feel like every day can be this way, if you so choose. I mean, of course not every day is going to be perfect, but if there is always something you can be grateful for, something worth treasuring, and just maybe, someone worth loving.
It's hard to focus on the positive, isnt it? It's like a "scale of justice," somehow the negative side is always heavier. Put more focus on what's positive in your life. Amplify the little things that make you happy.
Oh and I know you like Vanessa Mae, you should listen to her Red Hot song. It's my favouriteee and it's awesome.
Patrick, not only for valentine's day, but every day of every year, I hope you'll be surrounded with love and I hope you find it wherever you go.

Love,
Tiffany_xoxo

When dreams come true...

So I finally got to meet him today- Patrick, of course. It was amazing and indescribable. I don't know what has gotten into me, but this better stop soon or I'm going to go crazy. Either that or I'll drive my friends nuts first=P I can't help it though.
When he came onto the rink, I just couldn't take my eyes off him. I didn't want to miss a single second. That was hard to manage, as I tried to film and take pictures and watch and scramble around with binoculars at the same time, but being a girl, I am pretty good with the whole multi-tasking thing. I was so scared and nervous and nauseous for him, I even joked to my friend, "I'm more nervous for him right now than I was for my english oral," and believe me, no joke, I almost keeled over at that.
Wow and when he was doing his victory skate around the ice, I ran all the way around to the other side of the rink, where I thought he would leave, but apparently he chose another side, so I ran back to that spot and then totally lost any etiquette thereafter. I pretty much climbed chairs, even walls, dodged people, and made a totally fool out of myself before I got close. But I finally made it, and it was all worth it. Even though Patrick had to go, I yelled his name, he turned around, and I asked for his autograph, but he was really apologetic and nice about it, but he said he was sorry and had to go. It was a brief moment, but I still count it as talking to him since I said something and he said something.
It's really his personality that shines through and that's what is so mesmerizing. He's talented, dedicated, friendly, cheerful... I'm not gonna list the rest. The list goes on forever. I would go back to the Exhibtion Gala tomorrow, but I can't. I'll just have to be patient and wait for the next time he comes, which will seem like forever.
Anyhow, meeting him was the among the best moments of my life, and believe me, I am very blessed. I'm sure this will keep me happy for a while. Hopefully long enough until his next visit=)

Love you Patrick,
Tiffany

like a dream

and with you in mind, i cant:
think
sleep,
or function properly
sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy, and I'm sure I am, but I can't help it.
and I know they don't understand, they don't understand why you're so important, and neither do I.
Sometimes I want this feeling to go away, I don't want to give myself false hope, but is it because it's false hope that I'm reaching for it? Is it because I know it can't be, it'll always be good, it'll always be this fantasy?
These are questions I can't answer, but I feel crazier by the minute.

I LOVE PATRICK!

AHHHHH I'm SUPER SUPER excited I just got tickets to see Patrick in a day! I'm sooo excited I can't even believe it. My wildest dream come true... honestly.

Will blog about it soon. I bet he'll be amazing.

Tiffany

First time doing a request on the topic of-death

So my take on death? I'm actually way more scared of the pain I might have to endure before dying than actual death. I don't think I'm actually scared of dying because I know that I really will be in paradise with Jesus. If I really believe that, why should I be scared? Although if I was ever in a place where I was in critical condition and needed the willpower to live, I would have the will to live, because I'd want to live. I think I would stay strong and hold on, because I don't believe in giving up. I'm most worried about leaving people behind, my family, my friends. I honestly hope they won't miss me too much, because I'd hate to see them sad. My family especially, I know they love me too much, and for them, I'd hold on to that last breath of life.
I also want to do so much, and I feel like I have this whole life ahead of me, I think I'd miss the future even though I'd never have had it. I know things might not go the way I have planned in my mind, but especially now, I'm young and I want to go out in the world and experience new things, broaden my perspective of life, and learn. I know death isn't something I can control, and I don't think I'd want to control it. Not surprisingly, I'm too lazy to want to control everything in my life. I think I used to be like that. I wanted to be in control of everything, but one thing I learned is, it's so much easier just to rely on God, just to trust Him. He always has my best interest in mind, and that's one thing I can lean on and be sure of.
When people around me die, sure it's hard and I certainly don't understand it, but I will learn to accept it. It's life, it happens, and while I say this, I do still take it hard when someone close to me dies, and I still cry a lot over someone's death, but deep down, somewhere under all that emotion, I accept it.
So death? Maybe it's not so big after all. Maybe what I have to focus on right now is not to worry about tomorrow and to live today as is.

Tiffany

lessons from A to Z

Aim high, don't be afraid of failing. You only fail if you fail to try.
Bolt at opportunity, because you never know when the next one will come around.
Confidence is key. Just believe and you'll be halfway there.
Dare to live your life. to the fullest.
Embrace who you are and focus on your strengths.
Fight for what you believe in, and stay true to yourself.
Go for gold.
Humble yourself, because the best are those that can accept and cherish others' talents.
Initiate plans, don't wait for someone else to do it.
Joyful spirits uplift the heart.
Keep your values and morals at heart; you'll need them when faced with difficult situations.
Love with all your heart
Meet new people and broaden your perspective about life.
Never give up. You can do it.
Occupy your mind with positive thoughts, it'll become part of you.
Prioritize your time, because there's only so much you can do.
Question what's indoctrinated to you and be firm about where you stand.
Respect your elders=)
Shoot for the moon, cause even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Trust yourself and others; you might be surprised
Use your talents, they're gifts from above
Vent when you need to, don't keep it all inside. People that love you will understand.
Wait for someone that's worth it.
Xtra (i cheated on this one) Go the distance and do the extra.
Yes you can=)
Zealous for life

recap of winter; (L)

The things I do...

Oxygen- Colbie Caillat

I came apart inside a world made of angry people

I found a boy who had a dream

Making everyone smile

He was sunshine

I fell over my feet

Like bricks underwater

How am I supposed to tell you how I feel

I need oxygen

Oh baby, Let me be your lady

I would make you happy

I'm never gonna leave,

Never gonna leave

Oh baby, Can I be your lady

I'm going crazy for you

And so I found a state of mind

Where I could be speechless

I had to try it for a while

To figure out this feeling

This felt so right

Pull me upside down to a place

Where you've been waiting

How am I supposed to tell you how I feel

Treasure your friends

dear pc,

I don't think it's coincidence that we meet the people we meet, and are friends with the people we're friends with. I honestly think that it happens for a reason, and the people in our lives are there to teach us something. Maybe they're encouragers, and uplift you every day, or maybe, they end up betraying you, but teach you to be wiser in the next relationship.
All my friends are different, and I go to them for different reasons. Some I go to when I want to have fun, some are study buddies, and some I confide in. It's amazing that we're all so different, yet we all get along, because friends are people that accept you despite your differences.
Sometimes, I just want someone to listen. I may not want your advice, I just need you there, for moral support. At times, I want you to give me an honest opinion, or maybe, I just need a hug when I'm down.
A friend is someone that celebrates with you in good times. They're the ones holding an umbrella over your head when the world rains down on you.
Long-lasting friendships are hard to find, so when you do find someone worth confiding in, treasure them, and don't let go. You meet people every day, but it's not every day that you make a friend.
Patrick, I hope you're blessed with people that love you, and have your best interest at heart. Even though it's hard to find true friends, don't be afraid to trust people. Follow your heart, it always works=)

xoxo
Tiffany

look forward to the future

Hey PC,

Just so you know, if you come to vancouver, make sure you visit robson st downtown, it's the best place to just hang out and enjoy the city environment. So today I went downtown with my friends [Okay if you guys are reading this, this parts really cheesy, so just uh, skip or something=)]

Anyway, they're pretty sweet. We're in IB together at school, and well, we need each other to get through all the hard times. They're also on my outreach team. Btw, I'm going to Cuba for outreach in March. Basically, we're going to help with hurricane relief, but we're focusing mainly on kids' ministries. I pretty much have to get along with them since I'll be spending 2 weeks with them in a foreign country, but it's not like that. I mean, I'm lucky to be on a team with them.

My friend and I tried on dresses, even though, technically, we still have a year and a bit before we graduate, it was still fun, just to remind us that we're so close to ending another chapter in our lives, and beginning something new. I have mixed feelings right now on where I want to be. Part of me wants to stay in highschool so I can really figure out who I am, but I'm actually really excited for the future, and what's in store for me. I know there are going to be ups and downs, and not everything is going to turn out right, but I'm not asking that it be perfect. I know it won't be, but I'm ready to deal with whatever comes my way.

Enjoy every moment of your life, and be excited for the future, because things are going to happen no matter how you feel, so stay positive and don't let yourself get down over little things. When you have problems, just look at the mountains, or the ocean, or the stars in the sky, and you'll know that life is bigger than that.

Love,
Tiffany

don't regret regretting

Hi Patrick,

You know when you receive those phone calls that change your life? Or maybe just for a minute, your heart stops, and you know it's never going to be the same? I've probably only had a couple of those, but today I got some news that my mom's friend got hit by a car, and died. It's not even like I knew her that well. I mean, we had lunch before, but it's not like I was super close with her, but this news still impacted me in a big way. If this can happen to her, it can happen to anyone, and for so long I've always thought I was immune to these situations, that they would never happen to me. The truth is, they can. It really got me thinking: What if this wasn't my mom's friend, but someone closer? I can't even imagine how I would deal with it. The thing is, I'll never know when these things happen, but I trust that God has a plan for me, even though I might not be able to understand it. My biggest fear is that I'll regret something, that I should have encouraged someone but didn't. I just don't want to regret that I didn't forgive my friend over some dumb argument, or didn't tell my family that I loved them. Even though it's easy to say, "live your life to the fullest," or "live like it's your last day," it's hard to do because we often forget or are too absorbed with ourselves to remember.
I think this experience has jolted me into realizing that there are dreams I have yet to achieve, and people still to love, and I need to treasure the moments I have.

so Patrick, I just hope you can love fully, and live with all your heart. Never let yourself have any regrets.

Love,
Tiffany

dear patrick..so here goes nothing

Dear patrick chan (wow saying your full name sounds so formal),

so I pretty much created this blog for you. I guess it's just me being really inspired by you, or just crazy, but there's just something special about you that makes my heart glow every time you a)talk b)skate c)just being you d)all of the above.
ok ya, d.

I'm guessing you'll never read this but it's ok, everyone needs to hold on to that little hope, that small chance that something out-of-the-ordinary could happen. and me? I believe.

My friends keep making fun of me because I always talk about you. I mean, it surprised me too, because I thought I'd never truly be into someone that I haven't even met. Just somehow, it seems like I know you. Somehow, I feel like your passion for skating can fuel my passion for music and life too.
You must be really nervous before competitions, and I honestly don't know how you do it. For me, before piano festivals or exams, I get really nervous because it feels like you've worked so hard for that moment, and you put everything into it and hope that it comes out right. I get nervous right up until I start playing, then I know that I really love music, and how blessed I am. When I play that last note, sink in that last chord, that feeling of satisfaction is so great. Every time I perform, it makes me stronger for next time, and it makes me more confident to face a new challenge. You know, at first I thought music was something I was doing for myself, and in a way, it was at the beginning. Then I started performing for fundraisers or even just senior homes, and I found music was a way I could help others. That's a really good feeling. I found especially, at senior homes, that they really do appreciate how much you care, and their compliments are often the most heart-warming.

I think using your talents for something greater than yourself is what makes a person so amazing, because many people can be talented, but it means so much more if they use their talent to serve others. I don't think I can change the world, but if I can help one person, that's already enough.

Wow, sorry that was totally not about you, but it's just something I wanted to share with you today.
btw, happy chinese new year=)

love,
tiffany (L)