A man ninety years old was asked to what he attributed his longevity. 'I reckon,' he said, with a twinkle in his eye, 'It's because most nights I went to bed and slept when I should have sat up and worried.
Dorothea Kent

To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.
Herman Hesse

God, I would never be able to do it without you. I got to the point where I couldn't do it by myself anymore and I didn't know what I was doing it for. You reminded me about what's important. You helped me let go of all the things I've been holding on to. So thank you for loving me that much.

If I am lost for a day; try to find me
But if I don't come back, then I won't look behind me

I've always been fascinated by Venetian masks. It's so mysterious that people used to wear those to go out for secret meetings and disguise their true identity. Isn't it true that we all want to be someone different sometimes, or perhaps we're act differently because we're just being the person we're afraid to be. Those are the nights you always remember.
It's weird, but I don't know if I'm really getting old, but I'm slightly bored with partying now. I can't believe I would ever say that. I still like parties, obviously not old enough to not enjoy them, but I just don't like them quite as much as I did before. I mean, I do have fun. We always have a great time, but sometimes I do think it's kind of repetitive and pointless. I don't feel like I gain anything after a crazy night of partying, ok well, except the awesome memories, but that's not entirely true either because everything just ends up being a blur. Not trying to sound like a nerd, but as much as I complain about papers and school work, at least by the end of it, I DO gain something. I'm not even talking about grades right now. I mean at least I learn something. I gain something. That being said, I do believe we need those nights to just let loose and have fun and do things for no reason at all. Just not all the time.
Another thing about parties is that I only like going with a group of friends now. It's not fun with three people. And no, don't expect to actually meet people there. Dance, maybe, but probably not going to meet your bff there. At the end of the day, I prefer meeting people in a normal way, in a normal setting and actually getting to know people. You kinda avoid those awkward situations where after an entire night, you go, "oh hey, what was your name again?" Not exactly an ideal way to start any kind of relationship. And I have to admit, I'd really rather look back and remember an intelligent conversation I had with an interesting person, than some random person I danced with at a frat party. Having gone through first year, what I treasure more than anything now is the relationships I have with people. I've lost and I've gained, but I know who I value in my life now. I've learnt that friendship isn't based on how similar you are with someone. Sometimes, that does matter, but I've realized that even if someone has changed, you can still accept the differences and love them the same.

toughlove

I'm being honest with you because I love you, because I care.
You know I would never want anything but the best for you.

I can't wait till Christmas. It's the time of the year when the best memories are created. I'm not gonna deny that thinking about christmas makes me all warm and fuzzy. It is, no doubt, the best time of year.

thatwasawkward

slightly traumatized from last year.
please don't let it happen again.

"Those mistakes have made you into the person that you are today. Never regret them."

A sip of coffee on a chilly, but gorgeous monday morning. Mmmm. Life is good.

lifemotto

i feel like an old soul.

Maybe we've changed, and maybe we needed time.
Maybe growing up was for the best.
I'm glad we're both alright and that you're happy.
You know that I'll always be here.

Stay like that and don't ever change.

Seems like it's going to get really cold this winter. It's fall right now, but the wind is piercingly cold. Listening to Christmas songs reminds me of this time last year. It feels different. The focus is definitely different. This year has been so different than last year. I think I know what my priorities are now. I know what's important to me, and who is important to me. I might be a little more tense than last year, a little more serious, and a little more affected, but that's only because I am so invested this year.

What would I do without you?
I'd be totally lost.

Thanksgiving

I can't believe it's already thanksgiving weekend. I can't believe that I'm a junior.
I'm so thankful that everything is working out for me. It's scary to think that I might be leaving this place soon. I guess it's sort of a safety net, at least being here, I don't have to have it quite all figured out, I just have to do my readings, study and try to do well. It's been a pretty hectic year so far, trying to figure everything out. I miss my friends. It seems like we're all so busy now. I barely get to see some of my best friends.
But other than that, I'm pretty excited for thanksgiving. I mean, I need the break, but also, it's just nice to have a chill family-oriented holiday for a change. Sometimes you just need that.
I am so, so thankful, for everything that I've been blessed with.
Happy Thanksgiving. Eat lots of turkey, enjoy the company and revel in the love.

And if I had to do it again, I would still walk away.

RIP steve jobs

‎"Almost everything--all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure--these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” - Steve Jobs.

poison&wine

"I don't love you, but I always will."
These lyrics shouldn't make sense, but somehow, they really do.

You know the best way to get emotional on a thursday night?
Taylor Swift, "Crazy, Stupid Love" and korean drama music. Gets me every time.

#itwillrain

Currently obsessed with this song
and forever in love with Bruno's voice.

"There'll be no sunlight
if I lose you baby.
There'll be no clear skies
if I lose you baby"

If you walk away, every day it'll rainn.

thisistherealdeal

I don't want to sound depressing or anything because I'm not depressed, I've just been wondering about all the things that wouldn't have been said if I died today. I swear I'm perfectly fine too, but i mean, seriously, don't you ever wonder if there are too many things unsaid, too many things that you're afraid to say, afraid to show?
I've honestly thought about writing notes to friends and family and hiding it if anything ever happened to me. The scariest thing for me is not death, but leaving people in the air, the ellipsis of life, not having said what I wanted to say.
I want to tell people how much they've inspired me in the most unexpected ways and in the smallest things, that I'm sorry for screwing up and messing up, that you have no idea how much I love you. Why is it that the most important things are always the hardest things to say? Why is it that you can tell every insignificant person that you love them, but can't to the ones you love most? Life is ironic like that. People are ironic like that. If I actually wrote a letter to every person that I had things to say to, the letters would probably be endless. It's not just the people that have been there all along, it's the people that I've just met too. It's hard for me to forget people that have mysteriously come into my life, for whatever reason and for however long, maybe because I refuse to believe that anything happens by chance. That's too random, too accidental.
I wish I could tell you that you're smart and that you'll go far. I wish I could be real, but I'm scared to be.
I guess the older we grow, the more we have to lose, or so it seems.
I wish I could tell you that I'm happy for you, but I don't miss you. I'm glad that we're both fine.
I wish I could tell them how much I love them, that I can't imagine life without them and that I appreciate everything they do for me.
I wish I could tell him that he's changed, and I wish we could just go back sometimes, to that night, that bus ride, that summer.
I just want to thank anyone that has ever given me a genuine smile and anyone that has loved me for a single second. Thank you for loving me. Really.

Freed myself when I realize that I didn't need this.

And I know life is fast-paced and the world is spinning us 'round
But i'm in no rush
i'm just taking life one step at a time, one coffee at a time
living moment by moment.

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

Sometimes the best thing you can do is not care too much. Not care about the things that make you incomplete, not care about the things people say, about the way people think of you, about keeping up appearances, about having the perfect life, about doing everything right or being scared of making mistakes. I mean, how much of our futures can we really plan and how many things do we overlook right now because we're always waiting for something better?
So, here's to not holding back
to accepting others just the way they are
and accepting life just the way it is.

Safe in the hand of one disposing Pow'r,
Or in the natal, or the mortal hour.
All Nature is but Art, unknown to thee;
All chance, direction, which thou canst not see
All discord, harmony not understood,
All partial evil, universal good:
And, spite of pride, in erring reason's spite,
One truth is clear, whatever is, is right.

-Alexander Pope

Nothing beats seeing old friends, catching up, girls' night out, and reading magazines on friend's bed on a thursday night.

Sometimes, there are rude people and things you might not understand, but at the end of the day, stay true to yourself. Everyone else is taken.

wake-up call

Sometimes things are overwhelming and there seems to be a billion things on your mind. You worry about what will happen and you make plans hoping that it won't fall apart, but I guess we've only got one chance at life, and there's no time for worrying and regrets. I guess when it comes, it'll come. I think my biggest fear is failing. Failing and not meeting expectations, of disappointing people and myself. There are so many things that I want to do. I just want to experience so much, but there are only 24 hours in a day and I'm only one person.
I want to think that I have it all figured out, how my life's going to be and how I'm going to get there. I kept telling myself that I didn't need anything. I think the biggest thing I've lost right now isn't my academics, my family or my friends. I have that. The biggest thing I've probably neglected is probably my faith. And isn't it ironic that a non-Christian told me to reconnect with God? Even he thought it was weird that it came from him. I just feel like I've lost direction when I thought I had everything right within my grasp.
I need to just admit
my faith is paper thin
I'm feeling so burned out
On religion

I say an empty prayer
I sing a tired song
I need to just admit that the passion's gone

And I want to get it back

You told me
Look for You and I will find
So I'm here
Like I'm searching for the first time
Revive me, Jesus
Make this cold heart start to move
Help me rediscover You

#lifeofastudent

Coffee really is the elixir of life. I literally can't open my eyes if I haven't had a coffee now.
Having a nicely brewed cup of coffee just instantly brightens my day.

now

and i said
"it's time to move on and put the past behind us."

2weeks

I guess I can write a longer post today since it IS friday after all.
Two weeks.
Two weeks in and I don't really know what to make of this year. It's already been somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, or at least half of one. It's funny how little things can really change our minutes, days, or possibly our whole lives. I mean, it's incredible how you can meet someone new, not realizing that they'll turn out to be your best friend, or that you'll remember them for many years to come, even if it was just one conversation that started it all. Sometimes, we just have to revel in the moments that lie within crevices of the big moments because we'll realize that those are the ones that made everything worthwhile.
And of course there are the tough moments when you don't quite know what you're doing with your life, when you're questioning if you're doing it "right." The exciting, dumb, frustrating thing about life is that there never seems to be a black and white, definite answer to anything. We'll never know if we made the right decision. We'll never know if he was the best thing you never had, or if it was really meant to be.
I don't want to leave anything on the table this year. I don't want to say that I didn't "go for it," that I sat back and let things pass me by. I used to think that I always said what I meant, but I don't. There are a lot of things I'm afraid to say. Just because I sport the rugged boots and own a biker jacket doesn't exactly make me a tough girl.
But one thing I know about this year is that I will never stop being grateful. Grateful for friends and family and for being so blessed.
And like I always say, it's the little things. I don't need some big miracle to happen to me every day for me to be happy. It can be a cup of coffee, a good conversation, skyping with an old friend, listening to club beats on a school night, bbming my best friends, playing some Duke Ellington on my keyboard.
We don't always get what we want in life, but that's okay because once you've internalized that fact, you'll learn to appreciate all that life has to offer and learn not to take anything for granted.

Dang. listening to Taylor Swift makes me an emotional wreck. Time to get back to my political essays.

And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't see
What I was thinking

I'm sitting in the Arts Academic Advising office for the second time trying to figure out what exactly I'm doing. Hopefully, I can drop a course due to IB credit, but it's so confusing now I don't even know what I'm doing. I can't believe it's only the second week of school because I'm already exhausted. Actually keeping up with readings is not an easy feat. I don't remember being half this stressed last year. What exactly DID I do with all my time last year? I have no idea.

I didn't see this one coming.
I don't know if this is what you call fate.
I never knew of this fate you were talking about
till now.

enchanted to meet you too

There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles
Same old, tired place lonely place
Walls of insincerity, shifting eyes and vacancy
Vanished when I saw your face

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you
Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you

I couldn't have asked for a better week. I hope this week is an indication of better things to come this year.
So far, it's looking pretty great.

Another year has finally begun, and I must admit, it feels good to be back on campus. To be honest, I used to just want the high GPA, learning new things didn't really intrigue me anymore, but somehow, taking that one summer course changed everything. Maybe it was just the right course that really got me interested, or that the prof was actually engaging. Looking back, I didn't learn as much as I could have if I had put more effort into trying. Sure, I "got" the marks, but I always tried to take the easy way out, and I guess sometimes we do have to do that, to be pragmatic because we're all managing full course loads while trying to maintain somewhat of a social life, but sometimes we just give ourselves excuses. Excuses not to go to class (guilty as charged), excuses not to pay attention in lecture, to not do readings, to stay out late and miss your morning classes: any or all of the above. I assure you that most, if not all of those are going to be repeated this year, but I mean, I'll try to lessen the frequency of offending the above.
Well, going to my first class now!
Here's to a great year of (actually) learning, partying, and lots of gts.

Much love.

And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

The moment you realize that the people that want to talk will always stop to talk.

“When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?”

For someone that said you'd be different, you've kinda messed up.
I don't get it.

lovetheselooks

I almost can't believe that another year is about to begin. Time is literally flying by. It seems like I just moved out of residence, but I'm a week away from moving back in and starting another year. I guess I'm excited for it, but also stressed because it's not going to be easy. I know what I have to do, what I want, and what I have to do to get there.
I'm guessing this will be another year of stressful studying, cram nights, bizarre parties, nights that I won't want to remember, and nights that I'll never forget.

And over the years, I've learnt that there a lot of things you can buy, but I've also learnt that the most important things in life cannot be bought.

That was then.
This is now.

i love nerds

Why am I even surprised? I knew it all along.

"You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind."

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly coloured than the day. ~Vincent Van Gogh

so so what, i'm still a rockstar

g: i remember you wanted to be a lawyer ever since I met you when we were young.
t: noo way.. i definitely didn't know that till much later on.
g: no really! i remember you saying that
t:no, i'm pretty sure i wanted to be a rockstar back then. for real.

I guess seeing so much hurt and sadness in the world has hardened my heart a little. It's made me a skeptic of a lot of things. I don't know if I can still be that girl that used to be believe in Disney happy endings because I know that reality is far from that. All the politics in the world, the dirty tactics to get money, fame, power, I just question whether people can see beyond that anymore. I question if we live in a world that is too entrenched in power, if cooperation is merely a disguise as a means of extending power. I want so badly to believe that it's not.
I want to believe that you're not all the same.

Nothing is ever good enough for you. But right now, I don't need to hear it.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."-Plato

You have no idea.

endings&beginnings

I can't believe another school year is about to begin. It's as if I've never even left. I'm excited to move back into res, and as I've been looking through my photos of the past year, I've realized that all the little things made this year so special. It never seizes to amaze me how strangers can become the best of friends, how one moment can change the rest of your life. Although many of us may be going on our separate paths this year, I will never ever forget the memories we had together, the rules we broke, those late-nights...And even though sometimes we have to leave people in our pasts, those memories will always be a part of my life, a part of who I am. But this is a new year, so I'm changing the pictures, and tucking away the old ones, not because I've forgotten about you, but because I need to leave room for some new memories.

How are you?
Miss you.