Thursday, October 21, 2010

Dear diary

I'm sitting here in my dorm room. The weather was gorgeous this morning: sun shining, blue skies...It was just one of those feel-good days. Now, I look out and the weather's turned dull, chilly, windy, and rather dreary. I guess I should be used to it because Vancouver weather's always like that. Vancouver weather parallels the unpredictability of life. Sometimes, I feel like the days and weeks of my life are playing right before my eyes, yet I feel like I'm only an observer, an audience member as the rolls of film play on, unceasingly.
I'm still constantly learning about myself. A wise friend recently asked me: "Tiffany. What do you want? First, you have to figure that out." That's a really good question, and it's also hard to answer. Right now, I just want to live my life. I know that's really vague, but in my head and deep down, I know what that means.
What else have I learnt about myself?
I learnt that, more than ever, I really treasure the little things. I realized that the memories I can always go back to and smile about it after the fact may not appear significant. It's the side glances, inside jokes, words unsaid, foolish mistakes, hugs, and sincere smiles. These are the things I will always remember and that I hold closest to my heart. It's the encouragements, the how-are-you-feeling texts, the hallway hangouts, room talks, etc. I love that we can just talk about our futures, our far-fetched dreams and things we want to do before we die. This is what keeps us young, because we CAN dream big, we can choose, and we can live it out.
Yesterday, I sat in Bread garden with my Earl Grey tea and breakfast wrap. At that moment, I just felt really content. I think it's a blessing to be able to feel content and be content. There are always going to be things we want, but at times, we really do have to count our blessings and enjoy life one step at a time.
Thank you to everyone who loves me despite my imperfections. Thanks for looking out for me, reminding me, thinking about me and loving me. I'm sorry I have you guys worried sometimes. But whatever, I know you love my wild side ;)
To my old friends: I love you and miss you guys more than you know.
To my new friends: You have made the past weeks of my life amazing. I can't believe friendships can grow so fast. I love you guys and am already dreading the moment we'll have to say goodbye.

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